Friday, April 10, 2009

Legalize Counterfeiting to Save the Economy.

A few months ago I commented on a saving the economy bulletin posted by Dethklok’s Nathan Explosion. In it I suggested that we write our congressmen and ask them to legalize counterfeiting. Since then, it has come to my attention that there are some flaws with this idea. For instance, if everyone could counterfeit money no one would need to work which would create another problem: That we wouldn’t be able to spend the money as stores, restaurants and bars would be closed; because who would want to work when they could be out spending their homemade money? A catch-22.

We’ll, I’ve managed to think a way around this.

As much as I hate to admit it counterfeiting would have to be regulated. So here are some ideas of how we could make the counterfeiting idea work.

First, you would need a government permit to counterfeit. These could be fairly cheap as pretty much everyone would want one. At about $25 per permit the government could make billions which would have a very positve effect on the nation’s deficit.

Second, to get a counterfeiting permit and keep one, you would need to be gainfully employed full time. This would ensure that everyone would be able to spend the money, obviously the part of my plan that most helps the economy.

Third, there would have to be limits on on how much you could counterfeit. Perhaps only an extra $100 a week in bills no larger than a $10. It could also be set up that you could only counterfeit weekends before holidays.

As for the process of making currency: Cheap counterfeit machines would be made to be available for purchase at places like Wal-Mart and Kmart. You would hook one of these machines up to your online computer and whenever it is permissible to counterfeit, the government would ‘flip a switch’ and you could then turn your machine on to manufacture a specific amount of money or maybe even deposit legal counterfeit credit directly to your bank account within the duration of time designated for such activity. The latter idea could be used for those who may not be able to afford the specialized printing devices.

Now you might be wondering what the point of the counterfeiting machines would be if we could just deposit legal counterfeit credit into our accounts. And so I present the following additional brainstorm.

Another cool thing that could be factored into my wonderful counterfeiting idea is the choice of putting whatever image you wanted on a certain section of the bills and still having it be legal tender. Wouldn’t it be just radical to pay your rent or pay for dinner with real dollar bills that have a picture of you sticking your tongue out at the world instead of some long dead president?

Obviously, this is just a basic scenario and the fine details would have to be worked out; but I believe the legalization of counterfeiting would save the economy, make people happy and bring a new level of respectability to the face of the government.

Of course, if counterfeit money were legalized in this way then it wouldn’t really be counterfeit so we’d have to call it something else. I think ‘dream dollars’ has a nice ring to it. You know, as in the American Dream. It’s about time, don’t you think?